Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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