I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
