Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
