He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
