3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
