No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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