One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize