Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
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