She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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