nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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