you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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