He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
