normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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