I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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