"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
