i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
