I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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