I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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