I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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