your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
