She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
