I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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