I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
