He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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