she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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