oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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