Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
