I hate your face
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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