Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
