Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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