so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
