Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
