haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
