we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize