i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
