rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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