I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
