He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
