i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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