Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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