did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
