i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
