Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
