next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
