when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
