I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You are the jesus of drinking
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
