Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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