DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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