don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Still dying that you shit outside
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
