i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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