Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Holy shit dude........stairs
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
