I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
