The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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