I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
