Already got asked if we're dating
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
