I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
