Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
