Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
