This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
