I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
