I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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