She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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