I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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