Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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