she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize