Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
