But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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