can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
