Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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