isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
