She said her name was "party"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I've blown a few things in my day
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
