talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
