U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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