All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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