She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
