Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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