How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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