stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
