saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
