you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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