i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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