I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
