i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
