he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
