so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
