The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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