Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
