Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
