New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
