God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
