What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
