think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize