i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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