The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
