Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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