im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
