i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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