I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
