I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
