i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
