What a fucking waste of an outfit
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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