Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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