I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
