Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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