I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
