Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We need to get me chipped asap
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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