i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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