one two three fourrrrnication!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
