@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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