did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
