see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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