Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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