im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
