Who did Billy Mays play for?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
