my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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